How I Rescued My Momma

My adoption story doesn't start with me. It starts before I was even born with my big brother Shuksan aka "Shukie Bear" (pictured here) - my momma's first malamute and heart dog. He and my momma were like two peas in a pod, and when he had to cross the bridge at age 14 after a battle with cancer, it devastated her. Losing a dog, especially one you are so deeply bonded to, is a life-altering experience and not in a good way. It fragments your entire personal timeline; dividing it into a "before" and an "after", with a sorrow that clings to all things "after". The loss is profound - your best friend, your child, a huge chunk of your heart, your identity, your purpose. Shuksan's passing left momma with severe anxiety and with a depression that sunk in so insidiously that she didn't even recognize it was happening.

Shuksan was named after a beautiful mountain here in the Pacific Northwest, and after he left, momma and my big sister Shasta aka "Shasta Bear" would go there periodically to see views of his mountain and feel closer to him.

Shasta was tightly bonded to Shuksan and was also mourning him. She was much more of a Daddy's girl and was never much one for cuddling, but she still really stepped up to help watch over Momma in her grief. She was 13 years old and her own health and mobility were declining, but she was a calm, steady presence that helped keep momma going when she was feeling her worst.

On November 1, 2019 they again made the pilgrimage to Mt. Shuksan. Shukie had been gone for 3 months and deep down momma felt like things were getting harder, not easier. Shasta was no longer really up for hiking so they just sat together at Picture Lake, under a gray, dreary sky that matched momma's gray, dreary mood. But as evening approached, the clouds broke and started forming into an unusual, unbroken arc behind the Mt. Shuksan and lit up into a brilliant pink as the sun set. Momma had never seen anything quite like it - she could only interpret it as a promise from Shuksan that he was still watching over her, and somehow, things were going to be OK. What she didn't realize at the time was that the very next day, I would be born, and that he was sending me specifically to take care of her.

One night as the holidays approached (and before she was aware of my existence), momma awoke from a dream in which she and daddy had been in the kitchen. Daddy was at the counter preparing food; and Shasta and some other, larger dog were sitting at his feet asking him to share. The dog beside Shasta was black and tan but not a recognizable breed - too fluffy to be a rottweiler, not stocky enough to be a BMD, ears too small and floppy to be a GSD. In the dream, she somehow knew they'd adopted this unfamiliar black and tan dog. She woke up crying because she didn't want another dog, and even if she did the dog in the dream didn't even look like the "right kind" of dog (meaning a northern breed). Eventually she shook the dream off and forgot all about it.

The holidays came, and for momma they were brutal. Not only was it the first holiday season without Shuksan, but it was becoming clear that it would probably be the last with Shasta. And her own mom had just been diagnosed with cancer. It was at this lowest of lows, the day after New Years, that an email arrived in momma's inbox. It was from a board member of WAMAL - the rescue momma volunteers for and from which my pawrents adopted Shasta - looking for homes for a surprise litter of Malamute x Akita puppies (one of which was ME!). Our malamute mom had been surrendered to WAMAL without it having been disclosed that she was actually pregnant, and WAMAL had to do DNA testing on us once we arrived to find out what breed mix we were! Momma didn't want another dog and wasn't ready for another dog. She hadn't even seen pictures and knew zero about the pups other than that they were 50/50 Malamute/Akita. And yet, she felt what she can only describe as a tug, a little tickle in her brain and heart that compelled her to apply in case there were any male pups still needing homes (no shade on female dogs; just that Shasta would do better with a male.)

Then of course after applying logic creeped in and there was a sense of "what have I done?" It was a terrible time to adopt - she wasn't ready, dogdad wasn't ready, Shasta was at that late life phase where she required a lot of care, her mom was going to need support in her treatment journey. She almost backed out but still felt that tug... Luckily her friend in rescue helped talk her back from the ledge (shoutout to you, @thatpnwflufflife!), reaffirming that meeting the pups didn't obligate her to adopt one, that it could be a foster situation if needed, etc. So a meeting date was set. And then a couple days before meeting, she finally saw this - the first photo she'd seen of the remaining pups, and the first she'd seen our names. I was the only male pup left. I was called "Bear" just like Shukie Bear and Shasta Bear. And though that dream hadn't come back to her yet at that time, I was black and tan...

The last hurdle to clear was to meet me and make sure that Shasta would accept me. So we were introduced at the rescue kennel, and this photo shows the exact moment when Shasta gave her smile of approval.

So, on that day - January 12th, 2020 - I went home with my new family. The next morning, I put my paws up on the bed by momma asking for uppies, and when she picked me up I snuggled into her all little-spoon just like Shukie used to do - just like he told me to do - and just like that any lingering doubt was gone - she was mine and I was hers.

It was only some time later, when I'd grown quite a bit bigger, that her earlier dream came back to her. She saw me with my longer black fur as my adult coat was coming in, the small but still floppy ears and broad head - and recognized the "dream dog" - unusually colored for a northern breed mix, and unusually floppy-eared for a northern breed mix- but it was clearly me and so it was the right type of dog after all. 🤯

It has only been in hindsight that momma fully recognized all the signs that we were meant for each other, and only in hindsight that she's realized how crucial it was for me to be sent at that specific time, even though it felt like a bad time to adopt. Life was about to get even more difficult - losing Shasta, losing her grandma, COVID lockdowns, her mom beating cancer but declining rapidly with dementia, her dad needing heart surgery and later having his own cancer scare. Without my "comforting bulk" (as she calls me) by her side, there's just no way she could endure.

Momma is so grateful to Shukie for sending me to take care of her. Every once in a while he still visits momma in her dreams, though not as often as she'd like. He has let her know that he is very proud of me. ❤️